What She Did Next, April - June 2014

View from the Old Bodelian library, towards the Radcliffe Camera. Upper floor reading room, my favourite place to work, probably. 

I confess that I've stolen many of these photos (but not all of them!) from my Facebook. I just don't have that many good photos of Oxford, and in a city this beautiful, there's a limit to what you can physically photograph in a single term! I'll add captions as we go, and if I haven't stated that a particular photo is mine, then presume it isn't, and I won't try to take credit for it! 

Main quad of Teddy (St. Edmund) Hall, where I've had tutorials this term.

Oxford looks fantastic in the sunshine, it attracts tourists like a honey-trap. Literally, a sandstone-formed honey-trap. All that glistens is not gold, however...

Main quad facing medieval cottages, Worcester college.

It's strange. This term I had no exams, and being 2nd year, everyone told me that I was in for the summer of a lifetime, a blissful world of eternal sunshine compared to that of the Freshers doing Prelims, and certainly a world away from the furious work ethic of the Finalists. On the one hand, I blame myself for buying into the hype, but on the other, I'll admit that I was statistically unlucky, but also that some elements of the stress I experienced were my fault, due to the fact that I often internalise stuff, and get overwhelmed, probably too easily.

Towards main quad from Nuffield lawn, Worcester college. 

Work wasn't the problem. I mean, it wasn't great, but that was because of how much time my mind was wasting dwelling on other things. The main things being my upcoming trip to China, which still has a few vital necessities to be sorted (insurance, health forms, final arrival arrangements) and, more seriously, the fact that several of my friends became quite seriously mentally ill. I don't want to make the tone of this blog post overly dark, and I feel very much as though I've now "been there and got the t-shirt" as far as the past 6 weeks or so are concerned. It was difficult (and naturally a thousand times worse for them) but I hope, in the long run, that experiencing stuff like this at the age of 20, and learning from the experience, should equip me for scenarios of a similar nature that may well occur in my future.

Ultimately, isn't that what university is supposed to be about; not just the French Wars of Religion, or the Court of Henry VIII, it's about stress, knowing how to help others, and stay afloat yourself, and taking moments to yourself so that you have happy memories to return to when needed.

St. Hugh's college

That's enough about that for now. This isn't a blog about student mental health issues, I just thought that it was an important point to raise, rather than describing my university life falsely, through a montage of sunny landscapes and concise captions. Some things are beyond the lines.

Anyway, above is a photo of where I did one of the Easter Residentials that I worked on with part of the Widening Participation programmes at Oxford. It was a fantastic experience, I got to stay in a different college for a few days, see a different part of town, meet new Oxford Uni students and of course many more secondary school students from around Oxford, who were revising for their GCSEs. The Easter residentials I worked on were some of the highlights of my vacation, and I seriously think that working with other people, and thinking that you're making a positive impact on their life, is one of the greatest cures for personal anxieties and worries.

Corpus Christi college's Tortoise fair! This is actually my photo.

A great afternoon out, based on an old college tradition - tortoise racing! So glad I got to see this (well not actually see much, because look at the crowd and consider that I'm only 5"2...) because it's such an "Oxford" thing. My friends at home could hardly believe the event description! It was lovely to get out of college and explore somewhere new, and I even got to hold a tortoise - who wouldn't be pleased with that?

OxHoli, Hindu festival of colour, Merton sports field, by St. Catherine's college. This is my photo from a safe distance!

OxHoli. Coloured powder, meets cheap white clothing, and lots of water, usually fired out of plastic water guns, or (in the case of me and my friends) just mixed into the cups of powder to make a wonderful, rainbow-coloured sludge to chuck at people. Such amazing stress relief. Things got messy, so much so that my clothes from that day (including shoes) remain in a carrier bag under my bed...it also took 3 hair washes for my hair to feel normal again.

Oxford Botanical garden, sadly not my photo!

This place is my great escape. I feel slightly guilty when I slip off here by myself, but it really is a great place to be alone, if that doesn't sound weird (esp. if you're a fan of His Dark Materials). Plus if you're an Oxford student, you get in for free! Can't beat that smug feeling of sailing past lines of tourists...

Punting by Magdalen bridge! I've been punting here, but actually in a boat, so I didn't take this one either :P

Punting is great (you get wetter than you think, even if you're not paddling/ punting). I was consumed by exam fever last year and so didn't get to go. This year I saw sense and insisted that we did. Willows, ducklings, people doing bridge stunts. Singing in a round, and exploring abandoned furniture discarded on a river bank. It was pretty special.

Zoom the tortoise! Tortoise fair, my picture, (such good quality)  woop!

You know why I like tortoises? Because they're decades old, and they just get on with life. Stuff changes, but they change very little, or if they do, they're constantly adapting so they only appear the same. We could all learn from that. Also, the amount of salad that they eat is commendable.

Corpus Christi college, front quad, decorated for the fair, reminded me of the festival/ dance scene in Disney's Tangled

Another image, that of The History Boys in which one of the boys visits the college when called to Oxford for interview, thinking it to be the former college of his favourite teacher. I remember seeing that film for the first time 2 years ago, when I was caught in the terrible limbo between sitting my A2s and getting my results.

I feel as though this post has been sufficiently long enough to explain my absence, well, if you add the 9 essays and 1 presentation I also prepared in the last 8 weeks, as well as two trips to London to sort my Chinese visa. Let's not even count the number of lectures & classes on top of that.That's pretty much it, I can only hint at the rest, as is the nature of rambling blogs about life.

One regret of term - not getting to play croquet. Me and some friends were originally entered into a university-wide competition, but due to issues with equipment and scheduling matches, it never happened. Next year Oxford, next year I'll come prepared...

PS, a reminder, my sister's blog link is; http://i-like-to-be-in-america.blogspot.co.uk/ . She's currently in her 2nd or 3rd week of being an adventure camp counselor in New York state, U.S.A :)

What She Did, January - March 2014

The Radcliffe Camera, also the History Faculty library, and where I seem to spend a good deal of my waking life  in Oxford

The cameras, the books, the tourists. There's only one RadCam. There's even bicycles in the foreground, and if you look closely, my friends and I are standing in the doorway of the old entrance, dressed in our Midway costumes. Midway is the celebration held in Oxford college (sometimes called "Halfway hall") to remind you that you're now halfway through your degree. Time to start thinking about life in the Outside, and the future and stuff. Scary.

Actually, it's a really fun day, especially at my college where people make their own costumes and have photos taken in fancy dress as well as formal. In addition, you get a great meal in the evening - see below!

Everyone's favourite members of college...

College in spring is fantastic. It looks so much better than winter, it feels so much better than winter, and you don't have all the swarms of tourists that crowd into college from May/June time...

The cast of an Italian farce, "The Servant of Two Masters", performed by JCR students

Student drama! As well as Cuppers, the annual inter-collegiate drama competition, there are constant performances going on in Oxford colleges. Often low-budget (which means low ticket price!) student drama is ever enthusiastic and a great way to de-stress or just procrastinate.

I turned 20!

Halfway to forty. Or, just a bit closer to 21. Slightly unnerving, because in my mind, your 20s are when most people's lives start really taking shape. By thirty most people have had serious jobs, serious relationships, serious cars/ houses/ bills, serious everything. Seems I have a lot to look forward to.

BLUE PANCAKES!

Breaking Bad blue pancakes. The blue actually a rum glaze that had been used to ice the cake for a mutual friend, who'd just been awarded a Blue, an award given by Oxford and Cambridge to sportspeople who compete and win against each other in the annual Varsity competition. Tasted great, and so "Oxford"!

Escaping to Christchurch meadows

How I spend my sunny Sunday afternoons...

Great scenery, relaxed atmosphere. I'd finished practically all of my work for the term, and so decided that taking photos of the meadows and surrounding gardens was a worthy way to spend an afternoon out of college, and even (slightly) out of town. I love the fact that despite living less than 10 minutes from central Oxford, we can still walk to places as spectacular as this.

Midway Formal dinner!

As I said! Students are still in their fancy dress costumes from earlier, and we enjoyed a four course meal (there's a cheese and biscuit course after the dessert) with port at the end. Speeches are made, people are fined, and many photos are taken.

Varsity fencing, which takes places in the incredible setting of Examination Schools

Ok, so I'm cheating here, I didn't take this photo or watch the Varsity fencing. But this photo made me wish I did. Although most universities in the UK have a sporting rival (in fact, forget the UK, I think this is pretty universal) I'd say that Oxford vs. Cambridge is most epic. It's been going on for nearly 800 years (the Boat Race though, began in 1829) and students at both institutions are used to, and probably want to, be the best at everything. Plus, look at the backdrop for these sporting events, it's insane!

Why helping at a college open day is actually a microcosm of modern life...

Main quad, view from cloisters. Worcester college, Oxford.

Working on college (as in, my college at university) open days is always a humbling experience. It reminds everyone of their own intial explorations in Oxford, of the wonder of the setting and surroundings, and that lingering feeling that their time in Oxford might only ever be confined to a dream.

I've worked on various open days this summer, for the History department and the college. 99% of people are enthusiastic, happy, excited and have a fantastic, if busy, day in Oxford. However, I'm going to do something that people in Oxford hate; I'm going to talk about the "1%".

The 1% are the tiny minority of people who make me uncomfortable on open days. Although I'll treat then identically to all other guests, as politeness dictates, something inside me feels uneasy. I'll answer their questions, laugh awkwardly at their jokes, and walk around with them as I do with the other 99% of people, who are, by comparison, sadly anonymous.

I think the worst behaviour I saw (and by this I refer to the conduct of grown adults) was the parents who spoke non-stop on behalf of their children, to which the children would object, but they'd continue nonetheless. I think some people may have even had the idea that I could influence the admissions process in some way (of course I can't, I'm a current student!) as they sought to remind me of the great qualities and abilities their children possessed. Some parents would directly compare the relative strengthes and weaknesses of their different children in front of student helpers. Some prospective students insisted that they didn't have to worry about interview preparation, as so many people from their school had already been accepted into Oxford in previous years.

I am describing this for no other reason than to point out that all of the above paragraph is completely ridiculous, which is why I'm going on about it here. Current students DO NOT take part in the admissions decision-making process. Extra-curricular activity IS NOT part of the application process to any Oxford college. Whether your father/grandfather went to Oxford, or if, in fact, no one in your family has ever been to any university before you (like me) IS NOT relevant to those making decisions regarding admissions. Frankly, student helpers on open days do not want to hear about it. It's not making you look any better than anyone else, and obviously the only person intimidated is yourself, otherwise why would you even bother listing your own achievements? (I sense an inferiority complex...)

By the way, when I say "1%" I don't just mean people from well-off backgrounds, or people who might come from a certain social demographic or part of the country. The "1%" in this sense is the name I'm giving to all those people who make a fool of themselves on open days, due to ignorance about the Oxford application process. Hopefully, through continuing Outreach & Access events, and general awareness (perhaps even promoted by this post?) people will soon realise that Oxford is a diverse and constantly changing place. What was true of the admissions process, even one generation ago, or 30 years ago, is not true now.

Rant over. Like I said, 99% of the people, families, students, teachers, I meet on open days are lovely, genuinely interested and sincere people. Another section of the 1% is the 1 or 2 students who clearly don't want to be at the open day in the first place, but have been heavily "encouraged" by their parents/ guardians/ teachers. If you're reading this, then please bear in mind that Oxford is a real place. It's not a fantasy dream world, which people might paint it to be, it's hard work to keep up with term-time assignments, though I'm not saying that they can't be rewarding to complete, and that I'm not counting down the days until 2nd year starts!

Seriously though - and this goes for all prospective university students at this time of year - make UCAS choices based on where YOU want to go, to do the course YOU want to do. In the long run, you can live with having to go to somewhere that you'll enjoy, and temporarily "disappoint" your parents. Your parents may not be as sad as you think to see you making some well-informed, independent decisions! Do this rather than trying to persevere for 3 years or more at an institution that doesn't suit your learning style or interests.

Persuading people that Worcester college could suit their interests is my job on open days. Well actually, my job is to give a realistic and accurate description of college life, and then it's up to the potential applicants to decide whether it'd suit them. However, 26 acres of college grounds, including a lake, an orchard and the lawn on which the first ever frisbee was supposed to have been thrown (what do you mean we can't prove it?) makes my job a lot easier. It also reminds me of why I'm so happy to live there, which can become obscured sometimes, especially mid-way through terms, by work and stress.

The open days were full of some really poignant moments for me (not to mention giving me the chance to catch up with people in my year who I hadn't seen for months!).

1. Some alumni were back for the annual Alumni weekend in Oxford. Whilst we were in the cloisters, handing out leaflets, course guides and the college prospectus I noticed two older men were skimming a copy of the 2013 prospectus. "It's all changed" said one man to the other. "Bet's it's tougher...", said the second man, "don't think I'd get in here now". Perhaps they were right.

    2. On the bus home I found that I was sitting next to another Oxford history student. Another  Oxford history student who'd also just finished helping at her own college open day. She's in the year above me. This was great, because it was like being able to speak to my future self, and ask for advice on module choices/ the general routine of second year. As everyone does in Oxford, we found mutual connections and experiences to talk about, and I slowly realised just how much serendipity was involved in this meeting. I was talking to someone who had gone to the same Grammar school as I was supposed to have, before I failed the 11+. At the time, failing that exam had honestly felt like the end of the world, but now, somehow, me and this former Grammar school student had ended up in the same place, at the same time. I guess that's testimony to the secondary school I attended, and the merits of individual effort over everything.

And I wasn't even supposed to be getting that bus...

Where She Went

I already have a link on this blog which explains my absence for the last 8 weeks (6 1/2 weeks in the U.S, and then 1 1/2 weeks recovering & generally sorting my life out...) however I think it's time I outlined everything that's happened since I last posted on here, which was, admittedly, about 4 months ago.

View of part of Keble college, from the University Parks

The main focus of my last term at university was preparing for Preliminary exams. I would write for pages about how annoying it was to have to sit my exams after term finished, and how I didn't even get a day after my exams ended just to enjoy being at university, with no exams. Yet, having got my results (I did just fine :) this seems kind of irrelevant now (I guess this is the problem of blogging everything with such a time lapse)...

I'll talk about some better things which happened last term;

- We had a garden party. There was Pimms. And croquet.
- I finally got to see Oxford in the sunshine and summertime (kind of)
- I watched the end of year rowing competition - Summer Eights
- I went out on May Day morning (along with half of Oxford) to watch the sun rise over Magdalen tower, and hear the choir sing, and watch maypole dancing
- I did a "discovery hunt" with some potential Oxford applicants, around the city centre
- I saw a performance of Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice on the lake in my college
- I got elected to serve on my college's student council! (Known as the JCR, or "Junior Common Room" committee)

Provost's garden party!

Shakespeare on the lake ("Lakespeare")

So, after getting over my bitterness as I watched everyone else finish exams ahead of me, and actually enjoying being alive, I had a pretty good summer term. I should also say that after we finished our exams, there was still a chance to get silly string and various other items thrown over us, and spend a great evening chilling on the lawn by the lake. I remember going to bed towards 3am (I stayed up talking to people for what felt like a lifetime) and then having to get up at 8am, to move my stuff out by about 9 'o'clock...adrenaline does great things.

Rowing...the undoubted mother of all sports at Oxford

Trinity (the Oxford summer term which runs from April-June) should have been the most stressful part of my first year. In some respects it was, days spent revising in the library, near silent meal times before major exams, not seeing friends properly for days because they were buried in their own work routines. Yet somehow it also wasn't. Was it the weather? The range of activities and things to do in Oxford that can only be done in the summer? (Punting, croquet, walking round the University Parks, the list is endless...) I feel as though last term was the term in which I was able to make the most of physically being in Oxford as a student. I think that's down to logistics - my timetable in particular - as we were supposed to be revising for a lot of the time, we were only taught one paper, our "optional subject", and so had the flexibility to structure our days as we wanted. This is the benefit of being a History student.

As a historian, May Day morning was definitely the earliest I have ever been awake in Oxford...

The downside is that other students will hate you (just kidding, though they will envy the whole "no-lectures-before-midday" thing) or that most of your study time is extremely anti-social. You're not in labs, or scientific classes, or busy science lecture halls. You're by yourself, in a silent library, for hours at a time. But hey, you get to choose when/ if to do that, so that's a good thing, right?

116 days

Since I last wrote. Apologies. What do I have to show for those days? A few photos, (see below), some great memories and 12 assignments (well, 11 essays and 1 presentation to be precise. And I've written another essay since I've been home this vacation...that's another story!). In addition to a Neon yellow vest (for dressing as a Bumblebee) and what feels like about 10 hours sleep (across the entire 8 weeks)...

Not that I can talk now, it's the middle of the night here, and rather than genuinely get a good night's sleep, I'm updating this blog. Why? Because in the long term I'll be thankful, even if right now I'm stumbling in the half-light (don't want to wake the rest of the house up by turning on my bedroom light, which is non-energy efficient and the equivalent of a mini solar-flare) and trying to remember what I've just written, so that I don't repeat myself.

Actually, this is quite a good frame of mind to be in, I've decided. Good in the sense that this is an accurate representation of how I feel 99% of the time I'm at university. For 1% of the time, I function like a normal teenager/ student, I eat, sleep and socialise. For other 99%, I am an Oxford student. I work whilst other people sleep, I study whilst they daydream (well, I attempt to, is the point) and I (often accidentally) laugh at anyone who tells me they've done less than an essay a week (usually people I know at other universities...I don't mean to, I'm just so tired).

So last term. Went by so quickly (much quicker than the first term!) that I can already hardly remember it (this is promising for my exams...) but I found it less overwhelming and so more enjoyable. Like I was ready for the flood of work (though it still came) and I was better at locating myself (though I still took time to get lost in the architecture...you can tell I'm back in my hometown!)

It's going to be weird going back and seeing the college in a different season completely. When I left it had been snowing, and looked like the middle of winter. My life's like that though, all these snapshots in different places, different times. Seeing as I'm at home approximately 50% of the time and at university 50% of the time, I get this strange, disorientated sense of having somehow missed things in both my worlds, as though they move slightly out of sync with each other. In reality, fixed places remain the same, like rocks against the tide. It's that's changed, but I just don't feel it, like the fact that currently the earth is spinning and keeping us on it, but I can't feel it, and I doubt you can either.

So, next term. It's a longer and harder term than previously (not sure how I feel about this...) my exams are after term ends too. I have more hours of exams this year than I have for the past 2 years of A-levels. I haven't sat more than 7 hour's worth of exams since GCSE. Now I'll have to sit 12 hours of exams, probably in the timeframe of about a week or two. Fantastic.

As soon as exams end I'm hopefully going away, literally within 2 days, (ok probably 3 days, I don't have a timetable yet but it seems unlikely that even Oxford would put exams on a saturday...but hey, it's Oxford, they do what they want. I've already made travel arrangements, so the exams had best not continue into July!) for six and a half weeks. Basically, seeing as I last wrote 116 days ago, what I'm saying is, it's probably going to be over 116 days until I write again. If I'm busy now, I can only imagine what I'll be like for the duration of next term, and the weeks that follow! In 116 days from today I'll be in the middle of my vacation, and so I shall return to Blogger some time at the end of August! Time flies! A year ago last August I was still waiting for my A2 results!

Scary thought.

PS, I'm now a year older!

The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

- Niccolo Machiavelli

One Year On

It's been officially a year since my first blog post! How quickly time passes, I genuinely can't believe it, so much has happened and so much has yet to happen - here's to another year, it's been hard at times but great.

In the last week I've visited Oxford and looked around Worcester college, a year after I was taken on the school on an open day to Wadham - had a fantastic time. The course I want to do looks great there - as does everything! Although I know it's unlikely that I would get in it's nice to know there are places as nice as this in case I do! :3

A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE

Based on one of the most famous plays in American history and literature, which I went to see at the Oxford Playhouse theatre on friday night, as I'm studying it for my AS English Literature :) , one of the most emotional plays ever.

During the last week of June, I visited Oxford University, Wadham College, this piece is based on that experience (which I enjoyed throughly) which is a sort of thank-you to all the students who helped out on the open day, especially with my group.

In my opinion, this is probably the best of the work I've done, it sets the scene for what's to come too, the writing on the postcard outlines where I'm going this summer and is the basis for my other art.