116 days

Since I last wrote. Apologies. What do I have to show for those days? A few photos, (see below), some great memories and 12 assignments (well, 11 essays and 1 presentation to be precise. And I've written another essay since I've been home this vacation...that's another story!). In addition to a Neon yellow vest (for dressing as a Bumblebee) and what feels like about 10 hours sleep (across the entire 8 weeks)...

Not that I can talk now, it's the middle of the night here, and rather than genuinely get a good night's sleep, I'm updating this blog. Why? Because in the long term I'll be thankful, even if right now I'm stumbling in the half-light (don't want to wake the rest of the house up by turning on my bedroom light, which is non-energy efficient and the equivalent of a mini solar-flare) and trying to remember what I've just written, so that I don't repeat myself.

Actually, this is quite a good frame of mind to be in, I've decided. Good in the sense that this is an accurate representation of how I feel 99% of the time I'm at university. For 1% of the time, I function like a normal teenager/ student, I eat, sleep and socialise. For other 99%, I am an Oxford student. I work whilst other people sleep, I study whilst they daydream (well, I attempt to, is the point) and I (often accidentally) laugh at anyone who tells me they've done less than an essay a week (usually people I know at other universities...I don't mean to, I'm just so tired).

So last term. Went by so quickly (much quicker than the first term!) that I can already hardly remember it (this is promising for my exams...) but I found it less overwhelming and so more enjoyable. Like I was ready for the flood of work (though it still came) and I was better at locating myself (though I still took time to get lost in the architecture...you can tell I'm back in my hometown!)

It's going to be weird going back and seeing the college in a different season completely. When I left it had been snowing, and looked like the middle of winter. My life's like that though, all these snapshots in different places, different times. Seeing as I'm at home approximately 50% of the time and at university 50% of the time, I get this strange, disorientated sense of having somehow missed things in both my worlds, as though they move slightly out of sync with each other. In reality, fixed places remain the same, like rocks against the tide. It's that's changed, but I just don't feel it, like the fact that currently the earth is spinning and keeping us on it, but I can't feel it, and I doubt you can either.

So, next term. It's a longer and harder term than previously (not sure how I feel about this...) my exams are after term ends too. I have more hours of exams this year than I have for the past 2 years of A-levels. I haven't sat more than 7 hour's worth of exams since GCSE. Now I'll have to sit 12 hours of exams, probably in the timeframe of about a week or two. Fantastic.

As soon as exams end I'm hopefully going away, literally within 2 days, (ok probably 3 days, I don't have a timetable yet but it seems unlikely that even Oxford would put exams on a saturday...but hey, it's Oxford, they do what they want. I've already made travel arrangements, so the exams had best not continue into July!) for six and a half weeks. Basically, seeing as I last wrote 116 days ago, what I'm saying is, it's probably going to be over 116 days until I write again. If I'm busy now, I can only imagine what I'll be like for the duration of next term, and the weeks that follow! In 116 days from today I'll be in the middle of my vacation, and so I shall return to Blogger some time at the end of August! Time flies! A year ago last August I was still waiting for my A2 results!

Scary thought.

PS, I'm now a year older!

The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

- Niccolo Machiavelli

The Sea/ Farewell Summer

I probably won't see the sea or a beach until next summer...:(

Can no longer deny that summer is well and truly over. Not only is the good weather gone, but my friends are beginning to move into their university halls, as of tomorrow - good luck to them! As for myself, having ridiculously short terms means that I won't be moving out for another three weeks, which is annoying, as I'm now impatient to start (I've been away from school for nearly 4 months,!) and my friends are all leaving town.

However, the last few days have given my the chance to pause, whilst buying uni stuff (which I could leave until later, but I'd rather do now :p) and remember all of the great times I've had since my exams finished. Although I may be bored now, I think the break from such intense studying was a good idea, as I'm now interested, motivated and ready to throw myself back into full-time learning again.

This summer hasn't just been a waiting period between two stages of my life, it's given me a chance to properly relax, earn a little bit of money, travel, and do all of the nonsense that I don't allow myself time for in term-time. (You never don't have the time for something, you simply choose whether or not you're going to prioritise it with the time that you do have, in my opinion).

In recent times I've re-visited my past (went to my school's Awards evening, met up to say last goodbyes to people leaving this week, and will probably do the same next week) and got a glimpse into my future (went to my university town to get some stuff yesterday, and some more scholarship information arrived today!) but most importantly I've learnt to enjoy the present, and what's left of my time at home.

I'm still counting the days though...less than three week's until Fresher's!

 

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-19421257

I don't usually post about random news stories, but this one really got to me. Normally, I read articles online, and take an average of around 5-10 minutes to click on something else, move on, and forget about it. However, something really affected me about this tragedy, I don't know if it's because; I was thinking about the concept of "YOLO" again,  because I'm thinking about moving into the next stage of my life (university) or whether the sense of human loss and complete injustice is just so obvious after reading it.

Clearly, once several moments had past and I had time to concerntrate I began to think about what a horrible, horrible shock this must have been, not just to those who witnessed the event, but to the parents and family of this young woman, whose life was ended so quickly, and without any kind of explanation, other than perhaps an inexorable fate. May she rest in peace.

It's not nice to think that perhaps the way that you will die has been decided since the day you were born, is it? I suppose that depends to what extent you believe in pre-determinism and stuff though. Either way, this has kind of been a wake up call for me, I've spent the last few days going out for the occasional dinner, going to the theatre, but doing nothing much productive, now however, I feel motivated to have a proper sort through all of my stuff in preparation to leave home in a month, and after that I'm going to start packing to go away for a couple of days.

After all, who knows how much time I have left, or any of us, for that matter.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
― Francis Scott Fitzgerald,  The Great Gatsby

It's not procrastination; it's a higher form of planning.

So, the last week has been pretty standard, in fact, nothing much has happened except that I visited my old first school, for their final assembly (the school is closing at the end of this term to be re-opened with my old middle school as a combined school) to give out an award to a little boy who has made some amazing academic progress! Bless, his mum looked so happy when he won his award, as did all of the children, who didn't really realise the significance of the assembly, but did very much like the look of the prizes!

Time moves much too quickly, just 10 years ago that would have been me, sitting cross-legged on the floor, eager-eyed and staring up at the teachers at the front of the hall! It feels as much like yesterday as it does a whole lifetime ago. The building was still so familiar, although much of the decoration itself has been changed, improved, updated, and I even got to speak again to some staff who had known me when I was 4!

To disorientate myself further, with my work I was showing some foreign students around the city where my Firm university choice is. It was a good day out (I love the city, obviously, otherwise I would not have made the university there my firm choice!) but also, by association, it was a little angsty, I just want my results now so that I know whether I'll ever get to live there or not! Strange, knowing that I might well live there for 3 years, but I might well not visit again for another 10 years, if I don't get in, because I can't bear to see it again if I'm rejected, it'll be too raw.

There you have it. I feel completely in limbo :/ within 48 hours I revisited memories of my first school days, and then walked around the city that, by October, may well be my new university home. However, at the moment I am unfortunately stuck somewhere between archaic memories and distant hopes for the future, which can only be solidified by my results on the 16th of August. Until then, I fear, I am completely lost at sea.

One Year On

It's been officially a year since my first blog post! How quickly time passes, I genuinely can't believe it, so much has happened and so much has yet to happen - here's to another year, it's been hard at times but great.

In the last week I've visited Oxford and looked around Worcester college, a year after I was taken on the school on an open day to Wadham - had a fantastic time. The course I want to do looks great there - as does everything! Although I know it's unlikely that I would get in it's nice to know there are places as nice as this in case I do! :3

Day dreaming again. Can't believe that;

a) it's my last year at school

b) it's almost halfway through the year

c) on my next birthday, I will be 18

Where has my life gone?.... time seems to be going so quickly recently!

Must have been too busy day-dreaming, instead of writing my personal statement draft, or doing some sort of productive work, as usual...

 

"Oh what can it mean? For a day-dream believer and a home -coming queen....."

Admitedly I didn't make any of these images, just thought they looked nice together :), I don't know, they sort of flow? Anyway, the point is they represent change, as in the seasons, the passage of time. For me this week has really put this into perspective (that word again!), I can't believe it's mid-march already....and yet that makes me want it to be summer now?

Don't mind me, just wishing my life away...

Happy New Year 2011!

Happy New Year

(albeit a day late...) New Year is always a little daunting what with all those resolutions and promises, but New Year is also a completely new leaf, a second chance, a fresh start, I love the fact that you can just forget the bad parts (but remember the good times!) of last year and look to the future!

This piece is about the start of a story, a fairytale, so perhaps could 2011 be the start of a fairytale new year for all of us, regardless of 2010.

To celebrate the 156th birthday of Oscar Wilde (yesterday) I created this montage as a tribute to his only novel "A portrait of Dorian Gray" in which a beautiful young man wishes that he would never age (and lose his beauty) and instead his portrait bear the weight of his sins - with terrible consequences!

This day will only come once every thousand years...and yet everyday in our lifetime only happens once.

Did you know Photobucket has a "vintage photography" section? Seeing those images reminded me of my trip to Paris a few years ago, and so I have created something in a similar style. I took all of the photos, except the 1964 image of a Parish street (top centre -I wasn't alive then) and changed the more modern ones into black and white to create my collage.