On being 23 and "potentially" employed...

As you can see from my last post, the latter 1/3rd of 2016 really wasn't doing much for me. At the time of writing (late November 2016) I was still over a month away from being offered the job which I hope to take up in a few weeks' time. Just under a fortnight to be precise! I can't really talk about the details, and it's not 100% yet (until I pick up a visa, book some flights, and pass a compulsory training course...) but I'd say I'm about 95% certain that this really is happening!

Springtime, time for new life, and fresh opportunities. 

I'm extremely excited. And anxious. Maybe in equal measures? I've started having the classic anxious dreams about being chased and being lost in the dark etc., so that must mean something. Either way, change is coming.

I've been trying to make the most of the past couple of months by studying (bits of Mandarin, Hindi and Burmese), reading (a lot) and continuing my water colour paintings! I feel like I'm moving forwards now, although finding temporary work at home has proven really frustrating, despite signing with an agency I've only been given 2 days of work in about 3 months. I've almost completely stopped tutoring for now, as I prepare to go away again.

I'm pretty pleased with this photo! Having flowers around really brightens my mood, and reminds me of the power of patience - you can't force a flower to bloom at your convenience, and if it is not looked after, it will never bear fruit. 

I can't wait for a new adventure, with new routines, people and places. These past few months I've felt quite "stuck" at points, as if I'd stopped growing as a person, and couldn't find much to really be engaged with, as I wasn't really getting on that well with work, yet I was still waiting, and overcoming one obstacle after another to try and land this next job!

Anyway, onto my last point; there's a new blog. On Wordpress again (I know, I know, this was just another shameless plug after all, but Blogger just hasn't kept pace with Wordpress in terms of design features and online community). This new blog won't focus on any particular trip abroad (as has usually been the case) but will be a platform for all of my thoughts on Travel, Education and Personal Development in general. That way, every time I go somewhere else, it won't mean having to do all of the set-up and customising all over again! Plus I might actually gain some more regular followers!

I have to admit, another reason that I'm deliberately starting up a wide-ranging blog is so that I can keep at it whatever happens in the next couple of weeks. I've realised slightly too late that I've really missed blogging as an antidote to uncertain times, and I'm now too busy to launch myself into one time-limited project!

Without further ado -->  New blog link!

On anxiety, being over 22.5, and unemployed

I could blog about how great my time in China was, earlier this year. About the friends I made, the places I went, the things I saw. If you want to read about any of those things, you can find them here.

However, it's been over four months since I returned from China, and the travelling that I did afterwards (northern Thailand/ Chiang Mai really does deserve the hype...). Since then, things haven't been quite so great. I've made more than 40 job applications, and had over 20 interviews, but I'm still searching for work. I've done dozens of online tests and assessments, written scores of covering letters, and re-drafted my CV numerous times. And it starts to eat at you.

For the first few months I remained calm and patient. I was happy to be back in the UK again, seeing family and friends, plus, I knew that people often searched for a suitable job for "months". That's fine, I thought, I can wait a month or two. But progress was painfully slow. Many of my applications never received any kind of response. Sometimes a company might take a month to get back to me - with a rejection. I started to despair as October came to an end, and I was bored of living at home again and being mildly broke.

Every new months that has come around since August I'd keep muttering to myself "THIS will be my month, I know it, I can feel it". Now December is approaching, and I don't say that kind of thing anymore. There honestly comes a stage when you stop telling friends and extended family about job interviews, and even job offers, because you've become so used to things not working out. I've had a number of "near-misses" in the past four months, and they've been tough. Some examples;

• Doing what I thought what a good face-to-face interview, after sending in my CV for a vacancy and having a telephone interview. Then I received a phone call asking if I "would like to continue with my application". I was confused, "yes, of course!" I replied. I never heard anything from that company again. 
• Being really excited that I was about to be paid for a blog article I was writing for a student website. about the benefits of living and working in Asia after graduation. I had written the draft article, and the chief editor gave it the go-ahead. When I sent in the final copy, complete with an infographic that I'd made, I got an email from another editor that I'd never corresponded with before, telling me that the chief editor was away, but my piece had been cancelled, and I wasn't getting paid for the work I'd done. 
• Flunking out of the Civil Service Fast Stream application after getting rejected after the first round - which was an online "Personality Questionnaire". Awkward. 
• Being offered a tour-guiding job in China, only for my potential employers to then get back to me by saying that, actually, I didn't qualify for a Chinese work visa after all...so the job was a no-go. 
• Having to cancel an interview and decline another interview for two different Social-Mobility charities in London, after realising that, with the salary that they were offering, I couldn't afford to eat and commute to London and back for the internships. Irony. 
• Not getting an interview for a job that I kind of fell in love with (NOTE: Never do this whilst job-hunting, at least until you get an interview, don't even get attached to the idea of yourself in a certain job). The job in question combined Schools partnerships in the UK, Education/ Charity work and SE Asia. I felt like my previous experience matched every specification point on the job description, but no luck there. 

I could write more examples, but there's little point - the purpose was just to highlight some of the many reasons why it's not always as straight forward to find "a job" as people might think. At the moment, I'm technically employed in two different part-time tutoring jobs. But I really do regard these as temporary employment, not something to really base my career on. I've had another two temporary jobs since the start of September, but I only lasted about a month each in each of them. One was in a "learning centre" where the behaviour of the children was so bad (and the disciplinary procedures so absent) that I was too stressed to continue. Another was an online/ Skype job, with a Chinese company, which started out really cool (with me writing for their blog, editing articles and doing product research) and ended with them trying to force me to make sales calls to their UK customers. I refused. I resigned. That wasn't what I had signed up for at all, and no other team members were made to do it.

However, I've actually learned a great deal in these last couple of months. I feel like I've become a stronger person after having to constantly re-evaluate myself after every Competency form, every hopeful application. On top of that, having more free time has meant that I've been able to revisit some old hobbies, and develop some new skills, including;

• cooking/ baking (especially Thai and Indian curries!)
• watercolour painting (especially natural scenes, plants and flowers, at this time of year)
• Hindi (basically revising that things that I knew off by heart in India, this time last year!)
• Mandarin Chinese (Trying to keep up my current level of reading/ writing/ listening)
• Reading stuff that I never got round to at uni, Sense and Sensibility, Midnight's Children, and more modern classics like Orange is the New Black.  

I've also learnt some random things from the temporary employment that I have had. I've had to revise aspects of GCSE Maths for Numerical Tests, and for tutoring. I've learnt how to make infographics on different websites, and how to use online software like Trello. On a simpler level, I've even learnt how to use secondary platforms, like LinkedIn, to search for jobs, rather than relying on the already-crowded watering holes of Indeed, and Guardian/ Target Jobs etc. 

Things are looking up. Next month there's Christmas and New Year to look forward to. I'm resigning one of the tutoring jobs that I'm doing at the moment, as I'm not really enjoying it and I don't make that much money from it. I'm also hoping to hear back about some travel grants that I've applied to, and even if they fail, then I'll probably still book myself a trip somewhere nice (somewhere sunny in Eastern Europe? Or I could push the boat out further...Cambodia?) for 2017, so that I can take a real break from obsessively checking my phone and emails, diary in hand. Of course, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that some of the jobs that I;m currently applying for might turn up trumps next month! 

On the whole though, I think one thing that the last 1/3rd of a year has really taught me is that there are a lot of graduates in my position. I had this naive idea all through university (and probably school too) that I'd graduate, and somehow walk into my dream job, whatever that might be. I underestimated the competition, and just how excruciatingly slow the process can be. Yet I also underestimate myself. A year ago, or maybe even six months ago, when I was first sending out those tentative initial job applications, I'd have never believed that I could really learn anything whilst I was living back in my old room, dependent and fairly isolated. But I have, and I'm still learning. Everything happens for a reason, and clearly something is still waiting out there for me, I just need the courage and patience to seek it out. Good things come to those who wait, right?

Result

So I have a confession.

I've been running from this blog for several weeks. 

By that I mean I've been avoiding it, because I knew that in my next post I'd have to mention graduation (after all, my time at university, and leading up to it has been a constant theme during the past four years of this blog!). It wasn't really graduation that I was dreading talking about, though of course, my family did manage to embarrass me in front of one of my tutors, and I did find parts of the day quite awkward and hard to get through. Why? Because how do I communicate to my family what the past three years in college have meant to me? How can I explain to them the life I lived, which, since leaving Oxford, no longer even makes sense to myself. 

Anyway, what I was really dreading was having to discuss my exam results. And yes, I do have to talk about them, because I've always written a quick comment about my results, through GCSE, AS-level, A-level and Prelims. Let's be real - studying is something I take seriously and for the past four years or so it has pretty much formed a major part of my life. 

Which is probably contributing to the slightly lost feeling I'm experiencing right now, with my job not starting until 5th August, and having literally no work to do, at all, for the first time since I can remember. I digress. 

I'll cut to the chase; after getting a Distinction in my first year exams I really, really, really wanted to get a First in my Finals exams. It didn't happen. 

In retrospect I realise that I was very lucky with my first-year result - I got an average of 68 or 69% and they rounded up, This year I finished with an average of 68% and they didn't. I got a 2:1. 

Graduation in the Sheldonian theatre, not my photo :P

I should start by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a 2:1, it's a good mark and reflects many years of work etc. etc. However, I was especially disappointed as I had achieved a First in a couple of papers, and was 1 mark off a First in my Extended Essay, but was let down by two exams that got a low 2:1. That's the brutality of the Oxford system - you work solidly (as in, almost everyday for 3 years, including 'vacations') and do well in coursework, but ultimately your marks are determined by a week's worth of exams at the end of your third year. If you have a bad couple of days, it undermines a lot of the effort that you put in to the previous 75 tutorial essays.

So, this has been a slightly unpleasant learning experience for me. It has made me re-evaluate my past three years at university - my experiences do not resemble those of my friends at other universities at all - yet I have the same degree classification as many of them. I'm trying extremely hard not to be bitter about the people I know who (having also worked hard) got Firsts, either at Oxford or other universities. This is what it feels like to throw everything at the target, exhausting yourself in the process, and still miss. It hurts. Big time.

I'm getting there though. Several of my friends had exactly the same experience as me - missing the degree classification they wanted by just a couple of marks overall. We're setting ourselves new targets, and telling ourselves that after our first job, no one will care what marks we got anyway. Perhaps that's true.

I felt ill the night before my graduation. What if I was confronted by my tutor? (Everyone in my class had presumed I'd get a First...) What if my peers kept coming up to me and asking about my marks? Would we have to stand up in order of degree classification? Luckily my fears were largely unfounded, though I did have the bizarre experience of staying a hotel room located opposite my third-year room, which was unnerving. I could literally look into the window where I'd spent so many sleepless nights working, and where I'd returned distraught after a couple of disastrous exams...

After some reflection I've realised several important things;

a) Before I came to university I would have been perfectly happy with being told that I would get a 2:1, and do some fun extra-curriculars. I have achieved this,  
b) Before getting my Prelims results I would have been very content to get a high 2:1 overall in my degree.
c) At the end of third year, and even now, I am satisfied with the fact that I came out with a 2:1 and a vaguely sane mentality, rather than suffering any serious mental health problems, for the sake of, and in pursuit of a First.

Onwards and upwards. The liberating thing about being slightly disheartened by my degree classification is that it finally means, after years of schooling and formal education, that life is not just about grades. At moments I produced work that was worthy of a First, but at all times I conducted myself in a ridiculously efficient and studious manner. I completed hundreds of hours of volunteering during my degree, and I tried to consider the welfare of fellow Oxford students, particularly my friends. I rose above a lot of horrible situations and circumstances, and I never stopped trying.

If someone doesn't employ me with this attitude, then they have a heart of stone.

I will talk more about my new job in my next post as I'm aware of how lengthy this one is getting! Stay tuned, I promise the next post will be far more positive! :)

20 Things To Do Before You're 20

So there's been this article circulating on my Facebook newsfeed for some days now,"23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23". Bare in mind that my Facebook is mainly populated by 18-21 year old people, and so this article has been re-posted, which is kind of awkward because some people on my Facebook are both engaged, and under the age of 23. Even the article itself, on the original blog (posted below) has triggered a huge war-of-words in the comments section.

From the blog Wander Onwards; http://wanderonwards.com/


Naturally, the main people commenting seem to be women who got engaged under or at the age of 23, and who are speaking about how they don't regret this life choice. The opposition seems to consist mainly of other women, who agree with the premise of the article. However, when I looked at the "to-do" list of the article itself, a couple of items struck me as unnecessary, or pretty childish behaviour for a 23 year old. As a result, I've produced an edited version.

"23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23" (the article can be found at http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/)

1. Get a passport. - I agree with this. One of my friends was 18 and had never had a passport, and so as well as a load of paperwork he had to be interviewed in person to answer questions about himself and prove his own identity, which I can imagine was a bizarre and time-consuming experience.
 

2. Find your “thing." - Vague, but I agree with the idea, see below for more specific suggestions.
 

3. Make out with a stranger. Personal preference, obviously, but I'd rather not. Haven't you ever seen films when the "stranger" turns out to be someone you meet in the next few days, usually in a situation which involves you working for them?
 

4. Adopt a pet. - Fair enough, if you have the time and money, and are not living in university halls, why not.
 

5. Start a band. - If you want to.
 

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.- Fine, let them eat cake, but I'm surprised this made someone's top "23 things to do before you're 23" list. I mean, can't you do this before or after you're aged 23?
 

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. - Isn't this exactly why you shouldn't rush into this? Personally I wouldn't, laser removal is expensive, and my tastes of what does and doesn't look good seem to change year on year at the moment. Even my clothes aren't the same style, and you can shed them easier than skin.
 

8. Explore a new religion. - this sounds fair enough. Although for those who don't feel inclined towards any religion, I'd supplement a kind of spirituality-based meditation.
 

9. Start a small business.- This could be cool. For an easier target, hold a car-boot sale (yard sale) and raise money by selling your unwanted, but still usable goods. Or sell lemonade from a stall outside your house.Think big.
 

10.Cut your hair.- I get my hair cut regularly, but I presume this means cut it yourself? Well, I cut my fringe myself, that can count.
 

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. - great idea, I'm sure hurting people deliberately (hey, if they question it just show them this list you're working through...) is a fantastic way to get through life. Oh, wait, you'd hate it if this were role-reversal, and you were the one being cheated on for the sake of "experimenting".
 

12. Build something with your hands.- Fair enough. Though I'm counting myself out of this one. The last thing I attempted to make with my hands was a wooden box in which all of the edges are not straight, nor are they even.
 

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. - I agree with the sentiment of this, but there's so many more options - see below.
 

14. Join the Peace Corps. - only applicable if you're an American citizen.
 

15. Disappoint your parents. - Again, why aim to hurt people intentionally? Part of growing up is learning how to deal with people you've disappointed, and believe me, you'll disappoint your parents, whether that's by running away from home, drinking too much, or just forgetting to do the hovering, is up to you. Just don't set out to do it, it's far less forgivable.
 

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. - Ok, so I don't know what this is. Maybe this one is fine. Then again, maybe not. Why should I watch whole seasons of actors pretending to live lives which in reality even they don't lead, when in reality I could be pursuing a real, unscripted life of my own?
 

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. - I am not opposed to Nutella.
 

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. - Why? Do you like being uncomfortable in public places? Strange suggestion.
 

19. Sign up for CrossFit. - Again, I don't know what this is. Substitute with something from the list below.
 

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. - This is illegal in some countries. Also, there could be children inside? How do you know who's window it is?
 

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. - Guilty as charged. See all around.
 

22. Be selfish. - Or, attempt to be a decent person. See volunteering suggestions below.
 

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. - Ok, I'm not being very fair here, this is clearly something personal relating to the blog author, but I won't be taking up the suggestion, regardless.

Here are my own substitutes for the above list...

 

1. Volunteer close to where you live.

There's a community project, a library, a school, there's something, somewhere near you that you could be a part of, and really gain from the experience too. Volunteering can offer the chance to learn new skills, understand more about yourself, and the way that you interact with other people (e.g. what motivates you? How are other people motivated?) as well as the feeling that you've benefitted the lives of other people whilst helping yourself. In addition, volunteering in your home town is a good idea before you're 20 - because who knows where you'll choose to live after that! Here's a tool for those of you in the UK looking for something local.
http://vinspired.com/

 

There's also this site, which is an easy way to make a massive difference to a child's life. Plus you don't even have to leave your house (well, except to post the letter you write...) http://www.postpals.co.uk/ 

 

 

2. Attempt to gain some of work experience in another country, or at least, an area that you are unfamiliar with.
So this is good for some of the same reasons as the above, but in a new environment you'll be able to realise the cultural differences. From just a slightly different regional accent, or food preference in another area of your country, to a new continent, language and mainstream religion, go as far as you are able to (admittedly you'll probably have to save up before you go abroad for any length of time to work...)

My blog about interning in Washington D.C, last summer; http://nikitagoestotheothersideofthepond.blogspot.co.uk/

 

My sister's blog, on volunteering to teach English in Thailand;

http://openmyjournal.blogspot.co.uk/

 

 

3. Learn something in another language. You've probably done a language to GCSE level, many years ago. You could try to resurrect that, or learn something completely "out there" like Japanese. Mandarin is also becoming increasingly useful for those considering careers in finance, business and banking.

 

 

4. Start an artistic presence for yourself. This could be offline, like a journal, scrapbook, or a collage. Or it could be online. No, not those party photos on Facebook or those filtered photos you proudly post to Instagram. Start a Blog, or get a Polyvore or Pininterest or Tumblr account. These things are genuinely creative, with the scope to do something really original, or at least personal. Personally, I like the ability to draft and publish things in Polyvore, see http://nikigirl.polyvore.com/

 

5. Do something that 5 years ago you would have never considered doing - AND that you won't be able to do in 5 year's time.
 

Right, so I don't mean anything reckless or anything you think will make you seem more adult (if you're thinking that as you do something, it generally doesn't work, I've found). I mean something like stand for a position in a society you're part of, or take over running a group that you've attended for years. Run to stand as a council representative for your class/college/club. Something that shows that you recognise how much you've changed as a person.

 6. Write a list of questions for your future self;
 

- Where do you want to be living in 5 years time? Which country? What kind of house?

- What job would you like to be doing in 5 years time?

- Do you think you'll have any pets in 5 years time?

- What's your favourite colour at the moment?

- and your favourite type of food? etc.

In 5 years time, look back, laugh, write a corrected version (i.e, what actually happened) and then start again, maybe for another 10 year's time.

 

7. Get a pen/e-pal.

You don't have to move from in front of your computer, or your desk. It's a way to find out about how another person experiences and perceives life, at your own pace. It can also be a way of specifically learning about another culture or language. Plus it means that if you travel, you don't feel completely alone, if you know that your pen/e-pal is out there, somewhere on the same continent as you, even if you've never met.

 

 

8. Earn money in a minimum-wage job.
 

Be a papergirl/boy, or a waitress/waiter, or a tea-lady/ tea man(?), a cleaner, work behind a till in a shop. Or maybe even a lab technician, if you're feeling adventurous. Just see what it's like to work in a job that people rely on, but don't always respect as much as they should. It's not all about the big guys.

 

 

9. Study hard for a test and submit something before a deadline.

Then compare to a time that you handed in something late, or something you know was not your best work. You'll notice the difference, and so will your tutor. Now you know the worth of doing something well, and the justified pride it can bring, you're more likely to be more organised in the future, and if not, you'll understand what you missed out on.

 

10. Cook at least one meal from raw ingredients, potentially to share.

Note; beans on toast does not count. I'm still working on this one.