On being 23 and "potentially" employed...

As you can see from my last post, the latter 1/3rd of 2016 really wasn't doing much for me. At the time of writing (late November 2016) I was still over a month away from being offered the job which I hope to take up in a few weeks' time. Just under a fortnight to be precise! I can't really talk about the details, and it's not 100% yet (until I pick up a visa, book some flights, and pass a compulsory training course...) but I'd say I'm about 95% certain that this really is happening!

Springtime, time for new life, and fresh opportunities. 

I'm extremely excited. And anxious. Maybe in equal measures? I've started having the classic anxious dreams about being chased and being lost in the dark etc., so that must mean something. Either way, change is coming.

I've been trying to make the most of the past couple of months by studying (bits of Mandarin, Hindi and Burmese), reading (a lot) and continuing my water colour paintings! I feel like I'm moving forwards now, although finding temporary work at home has proven really frustrating, despite signing with an agency I've only been given 2 days of work in about 3 months. I've almost completely stopped tutoring for now, as I prepare to go away again.

I'm pretty pleased with this photo! Having flowers around really brightens my mood, and reminds me of the power of patience - you can't force a flower to bloom at your convenience, and if it is not looked after, it will never bear fruit. 

I can't wait for a new adventure, with new routines, people and places. These past few months I've felt quite "stuck" at points, as if I'd stopped growing as a person, and couldn't find much to really be engaged with, as I wasn't really getting on that well with work, yet I was still waiting, and overcoming one obstacle after another to try and land this next job!

Anyway, onto my last point; there's a new blog. On Wordpress again (I know, I know, this was just another shameless plug after all, but Blogger just hasn't kept pace with Wordpress in terms of design features and online community). This new blog won't focus on any particular trip abroad (as has usually been the case) but will be a platform for all of my thoughts on Travel, Education and Personal Development in general. That way, every time I go somewhere else, it won't mean having to do all of the set-up and customising all over again! Plus I might actually gain some more regular followers!

I have to admit, another reason that I'm deliberately starting up a wide-ranging blog is so that I can keep at it whatever happens in the next couple of weeks. I've realised slightly too late that I've really missed blogging as an antidote to uncertain times, and I'm now too busy to launch myself into one time-limited project!

Without further ado -->  New blog link!

On anxiety, being over 22.5, and unemployed

I could blog about how great my time in China was, earlier this year. About the friends I made, the places I went, the things I saw. If you want to read about any of those things, you can find them here.

However, it's been over four months since I returned from China, and the travelling that I did afterwards (northern Thailand/ Chiang Mai really does deserve the hype...). Since then, things haven't been quite so great. I've made more than 40 job applications, and had over 20 interviews, but I'm still searching for work. I've done dozens of online tests and assessments, written scores of covering letters, and re-drafted my CV numerous times. And it starts to eat at you.

For the first few months I remained calm and patient. I was happy to be back in the UK again, seeing family and friends, plus, I knew that people often searched for a suitable job for "months". That's fine, I thought, I can wait a month or two. But progress was painfully slow. Many of my applications never received any kind of response. Sometimes a company might take a month to get back to me - with a rejection. I started to despair as October came to an end, and I was bored of living at home again and being mildly broke.

Every new months that has come around since August I'd keep muttering to myself "THIS will be my month, I know it, I can feel it". Now December is approaching, and I don't say that kind of thing anymore. There honestly comes a stage when you stop telling friends and extended family about job interviews, and even job offers, because you've become so used to things not working out. I've had a number of "near-misses" in the past four months, and they've been tough. Some examples;

• Doing what I thought what a good face-to-face interview, after sending in my CV for a vacancy and having a telephone interview. Then I received a phone call asking if I "would like to continue with my application". I was confused, "yes, of course!" I replied. I never heard anything from that company again. 
• Being really excited that I was about to be paid for a blog article I was writing for a student website. about the benefits of living and working in Asia after graduation. I had written the draft article, and the chief editor gave it the go-ahead. When I sent in the final copy, complete with an infographic that I'd made, I got an email from another editor that I'd never corresponded with before, telling me that the chief editor was away, but my piece had been cancelled, and I wasn't getting paid for the work I'd done. 
• Flunking out of the Civil Service Fast Stream application after getting rejected after the first round - which was an online "Personality Questionnaire". Awkward. 
• Being offered a tour-guiding job in China, only for my potential employers to then get back to me by saying that, actually, I didn't qualify for a Chinese work visa after all...so the job was a no-go. 
• Having to cancel an interview and decline another interview for two different Social-Mobility charities in London, after realising that, with the salary that they were offering, I couldn't afford to eat and commute to London and back for the internships. Irony. 
• Not getting an interview for a job that I kind of fell in love with (NOTE: Never do this whilst job-hunting, at least until you get an interview, don't even get attached to the idea of yourself in a certain job). The job in question combined Schools partnerships in the UK, Education/ Charity work and SE Asia. I felt like my previous experience matched every specification point on the job description, but no luck there. 

I could write more examples, but there's little point - the purpose was just to highlight some of the many reasons why it's not always as straight forward to find "a job" as people might think. At the moment, I'm technically employed in two different part-time tutoring jobs. But I really do regard these as temporary employment, not something to really base my career on. I've had another two temporary jobs since the start of September, but I only lasted about a month each in each of them. One was in a "learning centre" where the behaviour of the children was so bad (and the disciplinary procedures so absent) that I was too stressed to continue. Another was an online/ Skype job, with a Chinese company, which started out really cool (with me writing for their blog, editing articles and doing product research) and ended with them trying to force me to make sales calls to their UK customers. I refused. I resigned. That wasn't what I had signed up for at all, and no other team members were made to do it.

However, I've actually learned a great deal in these last couple of months. I feel like I've become a stronger person after having to constantly re-evaluate myself after every Competency form, every hopeful application. On top of that, having more free time has meant that I've been able to revisit some old hobbies, and develop some new skills, including;

• cooking/ baking (especially Thai and Indian curries!)
• watercolour painting (especially natural scenes, plants and flowers, at this time of year)
• Hindi (basically revising that things that I knew off by heart in India, this time last year!)
• Mandarin Chinese (Trying to keep up my current level of reading/ writing/ listening)
• Reading stuff that I never got round to at uni, Sense and Sensibility, Midnight's Children, and more modern classics like Orange is the New Black.  

I've also learnt some random things from the temporary employment that I have had. I've had to revise aspects of GCSE Maths for Numerical Tests, and for tutoring. I've learnt how to make infographics on different websites, and how to use online software like Trello. On a simpler level, I've even learnt how to use secondary platforms, like LinkedIn, to search for jobs, rather than relying on the already-crowded watering holes of Indeed, and Guardian/ Target Jobs etc. 

Things are looking up. Next month there's Christmas and New Year to look forward to. I'm resigning one of the tutoring jobs that I'm doing at the moment, as I'm not really enjoying it and I don't make that much money from it. I'm also hoping to hear back about some travel grants that I've applied to, and even if they fail, then I'll probably still book myself a trip somewhere nice (somewhere sunny in Eastern Europe? Or I could push the boat out further...Cambodia?) for 2017, so that I can take a real break from obsessively checking my phone and emails, diary in hand. Of course, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that some of the jobs that I;m currently applying for might turn up trumps next month! 

On the whole though, I think one thing that the last 1/3rd of a year has really taught me is that there are a lot of graduates in my position. I had this naive idea all through university (and probably school too) that I'd graduate, and somehow walk into my dream job, whatever that might be. I underestimated the competition, and just how excruciatingly slow the process can be. Yet I also underestimate myself. A year ago, or maybe even six months ago, when I was first sending out those tentative initial job applications, I'd have never believed that I could really learn anything whilst I was living back in my old room, dependent and fairly isolated. But I have, and I'm still learning. Everything happens for a reason, and clearly something is still waiting out there for me, I just need the courage and patience to seek it out. Good things come to those who wait, right?

Just another day, that I had the best day of my life.

Celebratory set!


I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to post this, honestly.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.Times are hard for dreamers.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.

This week has been randomly hard for some reason, I don't know why, everything has just felt like it's taking more and more effort to do the things that I would normally do anyway. Strange. Anyway, it's the end of the week now so I'm going to start completely fresh tomorrow, "a new leaf" as it were, and that goes for revision too :s

However, in a strange kind of way, time is on my side. 46 days until my exams end, so that's a month and 2 weeks, just long enough to really focus on revision, but the end is definitely in sight, if you see what I mean, school doesn't feel endless anymore, and I know that soon my life will be completely different. That's motivation enough I guess, only 46 more days of waking up and feeling guility every minute that I'm not studying, and to be honest, I started revising in March, so around 68 days ago, so I've officially done more revision than I have left to do (if that makes sense!)...

So this collage, it has all the usual in it (well, usual for me) icons of Paris, pink, cupcakes, tea cups, flowers, blossom, pink, books, some slightly vintage looking things and...the pocket watch in the top left hand corner. I think the watch is important, it shows that things don't go on indefinitely (revision :( ) and serves as a reminder that "come what may, time and hour run through the roughest day".

There you are, that's a very appropriate quote from Macbeth, and therefore I have successfully found a way to intergrate revision and blogging :D

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! by nikigirl

May we learn from failure and continue our success.

I'm not usually an optimist but I've got a good feeling about this year, 2012 might actually be "the one" for me, or at least I hope so. Last night watching 2011 slip away really inspired me to remember that whatever happens, time moves on and will continue to do so forever...so let's enjoy it!

This year looks to be even more exciting than the last for me, I will *probably* be leaving home in september, starting university and an independent life, not to mention reap the reward from years of study... and say goodbye to the people and places I've gotten to know so well over the last 7 years, especially school and now I'm in the final few months! Ahh.... this is all pretty surreal...until I see my homework planner and realise it's still business as usual, for the moment :p

And sometimes...dreams really do come true!

This is me by nikigirl

What an insane week! Times really do change - and quickly - only 4 days until Christmas! Anyway, now that the holiday season is in full swing it's made me really how much I've really achieved this year, and how happy I am of all the work I've done. Although we are perfectly entitled to anticipate the year ahead, let's not forget the year just passed, whether that be mistakes to learn from or achievements to be proud of!

This is a giant collaboration grid showing images of all the things I love, essentially it's the one image I'd like people to look at if they were to get a really good idea of who I am - it's basically an extended version of a collage I did some months back (http://notesfromadaydreambeliever.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-08-27T00:14:00-07:00&max-results=10), but obviously more up-to-date, as our perceptions of ourselves are different on a daily basis, and naturally they change dramatically over time.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, and that's something worth celebrating - let alone the fact that Christmas/ New Year are just around the corner! Bring on the festivities! :)

Winter

Winter by nikigirl


So. This week, had a mock interview, driving lesson, helped at open evening at my school...much of the same.

Next week however couldn't be more different, I've got literally one day at school before I go and stay at one of the world's best universities and be interviewed by some of the most learned history academics in the world...it's going to be amazing. Intense. Hard work. But most of all intense, insanely beautiful, both the city and the university, intensely hard, the studying and anxiety, constantly challenging (like life itself) but hopefully ultimately rewarding! I really can't wait to meet some incredible people, and have one of the most interesting (in every possible way) experiences of my life so far!

Autumn Days

So my life at the moment is pretty much a waiting game. It's like the moment you reach a roundabout, and you're looking in both directions to see if you can move forwards, and the seconds of looking around, at everything, everywhere, seem to take an age. And then you go too slowly and stall. Or maybe that's just my terrible driving!

Still waiting on 2 universities, one of them will get back to me in about 14 days (not that I'm counting, but I am) and the other could take up to 2 1/2 months - or at least they have done, in the past. It seems I'm in need of a bit more patience, but it is difficult to acquire these days. I feel as if I'm living in a hurried sort of present, the sort that looks forward constantly, never quite managing to live in the moment but always straining, trying, desperately to look into what is still a very unknown future.

How very sombre. In other news the sun is shining here and I expect it might well be the warmest November on record - not that I'm complaining, it's great, makes all of the waiting and anticipation, this limbo, a bit more bearable...

Autumn Days by nikigirl on polyvore.com